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throughout 20 states who have been hit by hurricane sandy. this record surge has devastated communities from north carolina to maine. 62 people at least have died. power station explosions and downed lines have left eight million people without electricity-- including new york city below 39th street. in new jersey, the national guard has been sent in to rescue more than 20,000 trapped hoboken residents. 100 homes burned to the ground in breezy point, queens. the largest single fire in new york city history. an entire town on the jersey shore has been submerged. it's an unimaginable tragedy where the scope of the damage is still unfolding. for those fortunate enough to be watching this show tonight, i urge you to visit to find out how you can assist those in need. spoiler alert: it's money. (laughter) i'd also like to single out some heroes. like the nurses at n.y.u. hospital. (cheers and applause) after the hospital's generators failed, these nurses carried 20 newborns down nine flights of stairs while manually operating respirators. i can't even walk down nine flights of stairs
. (laughter) and storm nation, things are not much better in new york. the m.t.a. reported that sandy flooded seven subway tunnels under the east river. which means it could be weeks before they're able to restore the scent of urine. (laughter) that's why i am calling on new york drunks to head into the subway and release their strategic bladder reserves. (cheers and applause) the point is it appears that we got manhattan wet, which i'm pretty sure voids the warranty. (laughter) and there are no lenape indians around to give us back our beads. oh, you win this time, extinct tribe. (laughter) but before the storm hit i hope you all followed my storm prep instructions. duct tape the windows, filled your bathtubs with fresh water and built an ark. (laughter) one of every animal, only females. then add one very randy poodle. (laughter) they can mate with anything, that way we repopulate the earth with a hypoallergenic animal kingdom. you get your elephant-a-poos. (laughter) your roco-doodles. they're great with kids who don't make sudden moves. (laughter) of course, with all this heart breaking d
Search Results 0 to 4 of about 5 (some duplicates have been removed)